


if this is coffee, give me tea; if it is tea, give me coffee

by writetherest



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, F/M, Philinda Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 06:41:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13289214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writetherest/pseuds/writetherest
Summary: “May?” He repeats, still looking utterly confused.“Oh, come on, Mr. C! It’s obvious you like her! I’m just trying to help you out here.”“I - what? I’ve barely spoken five words to her. Ever. And three of them were I’m so sorry, when I spilled my coffee all over her the day we met!”“See, that right there. You spilled your coffee on her and she didn’t kill you. In fact, she cracked a smile when you were patting down her chest!” Phil’s face goes red, thinking about his faux pas. “So clearly she likes you.”“Because she didn’t kill me for spilling coffee all over her.”“She totally could, you know.” Daisy leans close, as though imparting a secret,  “She’s like a ninja spy assassin or something.”





	if this is coffee, give me tea; if it is tea, give me coffee

**Author's Note:**

  * For [professortennant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/professortennant/gifts).



> Written for professortennant for the Philinda Secret Santa 2017 exchange for the prompt 'Coffeeshop AU + Christmas time'.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Title taken from a quote attributed to Abraham Lincoln.

“One large coffee for Phil.” Daisy calls as she finishes jotting something on the cup with a flourish.

Phil takes the cup from Daisy’s outstretched hand, giving her a smile. “Thanks, Daisy.”

“Sure thing, Mr. C.” She says with a smirk. Then, with a wink, “Hope you like it.” 

Phil’s brow furrows. “I usually do.” He comes here every morning before school starts and nearly every afternoon when school lets out to get his coffee fix. Daisy knows that. She’s usually his barista. 

Daisy’s eyes cut down to the cup before quickly looking back up at him. He follows her line of sight, his eyes widening when he takes in the place where his name is usually scrawled. Instead of letters today, there is a series of numbers that he logically knows must be a telephone number, but his brain does not want to compute.

“Uhhhh, Daisy, as your teacher I - I mean - it’s not that I don’t care about you as my student but - I -“

“Oh my gosh, Mr. C, no!” Daisy looks a mix between horrified and amused. “That’s not my number! Ewww! Gross!”

“Wh - well then who -“

“May.” Daisy grins, glancing over Phil’s shoulder to where Melinda May is sitting, sipping her tea and poring over files at a small table, completely oblivious to what is happening at the counter.

“May?” He repeats, still looking utterly confused. 

“Oh, come on, Mr. C! It’s obvious you like her! I’m just trying to help you out here.”

“I - what? I’ve barely spoken five words to her. Ever. And three of them were I’m so sorry, when I spilled my coffee all over her the day we met!”

“See, that right there. You spilled your coffee on her and she didn’t kill you. In fact, she cracked a smile when you were patting down her chest!” Phil’s face goes red, thinking about his faux pas. “So clearly she likes you.”

“Because she didn’t kill me for spilling coffee all over her.”

“She totally could, you know.” Daisy leans close, as though imparting a secret, “She’s like a ninja spy assassin or something.”

Phil’s eyebrows raise. “A ninja spy assassin?”

“Ugh, Mr. C, just call her already!”

“That reminds me,” Phil says, holding up his cup, “how exactly did you get this number?”

“Uh, hello? Tech wizard here, remember?” 

“Yes, I believe the entire faculty remembers when you hacked the school district’s computer system to send out messages that school was cancelled for the remainder of the year. In October.”

Daisy laughs. “Allegedly. They never could prove it.”

Phil looks almost proud of her as he sips his coffee. “Thank you for the coffee and the advice, Daisy. I’ll see you in class.”

“Oh come on, Mr. C!” Daisy calls after him as he walks right by Melinda’s table and out the door. Melinda never lifts her eyes from the file she’s looking at.

**

“Did you call her?” Daisy asks the next day, holding Phil’s cup in her hand but refusing to hand it over.

“No, Daisy, not that it’s any of your business, but I did not call her.” 

“Mr. C!” Daisy scolds as he reaches over and takes the cup from her. 

“Ms. Johnson.” He retorts back, taking a sip of his drink before frowning. “That is not my order.”

“Oh, isn’t it?” Daisy looks the picture of innocence. “I must’ve accidentally gotten your order mixed up with May’s.”

“Accidentally. I’m sure.” Phil rolls his eyes.

“Guess you better go trade drinks with May. And quick, because I heard she hates coffee.”

“I should fail you for this, you know.” He says, but the threat is lost behind his affectionate smile.

“I’d just hack into your computer and change my grade back.” Daisy laughs.

Phil shakes his head and moves towards Melinda’s table.

**

“I wouldn’t drink that if I were you.” Phil says, as he stops at Melinda’s table, just as she’s lifting her cup up to her lips. “I would if I were me though.”

“Excuse me?” Melinda asks, her eyes boring into him in a way that makes him almost think Daisy might be right about the ninja spy assassin thing.

“Daisy mixed up our drink orders, it seems. I got your tea and you got my coffee.”

Melinda lifts the cup up close to her nose, breathes in the sent of coffee. Her nose wrinkles and she holds it out to him. He takes it and hands hers over, letting their fingers brush.

“Thank you.” Melinda says, glancing down at the cup, where their fingers are still brushing against each other. “Phil.”

Phil smiles widely. “You’re welcome, Melinda.”

Then he trips over his feet as he walks away.

Daisy and Melinda both laugh, so he doesn’t feel too terrible about it.

**

From that point on, Daisy continues to ‘accidentally’ mix up their drink orders and Melinda and Phil fall into a routine. Whoever gets there first takes the wrong drink and sits down at a table. The other follows shortly thereafter, getting the other drink and sitting down, exchanging them without any fuss or even words.

They drink their drinks together in companionable silence mostly. Melinda looks over files and Phil reads the newspaper or grades papers. Occasionally they’ll make a remark to each other. Sometimes their feet will bump against each other under the table.

If Phil is first in the shop, he’ll buy a pastry and put it in the middle of the table, pretending not to notice when Melinda picks little bites off. If numbers or messages are written on the cups - like JUST ASK HER OUT ALREADY or PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERY AND ASK HIM OUT ALREADY - they ignore them.

Daisy flits around behind the counter, watching them, hoping for something to happen. But besides them sitting together and quietly drinking their drinks, nothing seems to come of her scheming.

She decides she’ll just have to kick things up a notch.

**

On the day after Thanksgiving break ends, Phil enters the shop to find that Christmas decorations have gone up. Lights are strung around the windows and over and through the rafters, twinkling merrily. Garland is wrapped around the menu board and counter. There are wreaths and other decorations adorning the walls. 

And there is a tree. A very large tree, sat right in the spot where that table that he and Melinda often share used to be. But now, in place of the table, is the giant tree.

He frowns as he looks around. It seems that not only is their usual table gone, but actually, all of the tables are gone. The only seating left in the little shop is the bar by the window - with the stools suspiciously missing - and a small couch. 

“Good morning, Mr. C!” Daisy calls out cheerfully, a Santa hat perched on her head. “Your usual?”

“Don’t you mean Melinda’s usual?” He retorts, already looking over the pastry case and trying to decide between a raspberry danish - which seems to be Melinda’s favorite - or a slice of the new gingerbread loaf, whose Christmassy scent is calling his name. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Daisy says, even as he watches her move past the coffee pot to the place where the tea is brewing.

“I’ll take a raspberry danish and a slice of gingerbread loaf.” He says, pulling out his wallet.

“Ooh, adventurous today huh? Does that mean you’re going to finally ask May out?” 

“Doubtful.” He replies, his eyes going over the seating area again. “So, Daisy, I can’t imagine this new seating arrangement is good for business.”

“What? Sure it is! Gives people the chance to get close - get to know each other. Maybe snuggle up a bit. What’s not to love?”

He just shakes his head. Most people don’t hang around the cafe this early in the morning, choosing to simply take their caffeine to go, but come time for school to start, he’s sure that Daisy will be in hot water for her little decorating scheme. 

He takes the bag of pastries and Melinda’s cup of tea and goes to the couch to sit down.

Melinda says nothing when she enters three minutes later, but Phil watches as her eyes take in everything. He finds that fascinating about her, the way she sees the world, how she is constantly scanning and taking things in. 

Melinda retrieves Phil’s coffee from Daisy and moves to the couch. They do their usual exchange, hands brushing, and she sinks down onto the couch at the opposite end of Phil. He rips the paper bag down the side, opening it up on the table by the couch to reveal the raspberry pastry and the gingerbread loaf. 

Melinda’s mouth curves into a smile around her stolen bites of raspberry and gingerbread. Phil smiles into his coffee cup, his eyes soaking in Melinda over the rim.

Daisy drops her Santa hat clad head against the counter in frustration.

**

The seating - and their usual routine - is back in place the next day. The tree has moved over next to the couch and their table is back. 

Melinda is the first one in the shop that morning and she takes the cup from Daisy, ignoring the looks that Daisy is giving her.

“Oh come on, May!” Daisy finally breaks down, May’s face remaining stoic as she looks at the girl. “You couldn’t even sit next to him on the couch yesterday?”

“I sat on the couch, where I was forced to sit due to the seating being gone.” May replies, her tone bored.

“But you left a whole cushion between you!”

“I didn’t know there were rules about where to sit on couches in coffee shops.”

“Ugh.” Daisy huffs. “You two are impossible! I don’t see why you both can’t just see what’s right in front of you.”

“And what would that be?” Melinda asks, the tiniest hint of amusement slipping into her tone.

“Each other! It’s clear Mr. C likes you. He turns into a goofy idiot around you, even more so than usual. And he’s a totally great guy. And I see the way you crack a smile around him, so clearly you like him too! So why you both can’t just get over whatever your issue is and start dating, I don’t know!”

“Maybe I’m already married. Maybe he is. Maybe we’re already married to each other.” Melinda says, deadly serious. 

“Right.” Daisy rolls her eyes. “Because married people totally go to the same cafe and don’t even speak or acknowledge each other. That’s normal.”

Melinda just let her lips quirk up into a grin as she turns and goes to their usual table.

**

The day that school gets out early for Christmas break, Phil comes into the cafe. It’s busier than usual, all the business types out grabbing their caffeine, stay at home moms meeting to catch up, and the like. So busy, in fact, he notices once he’s picked up his order - May’s tea and a raspberry danish, gingerbread loaf slice, and large snowman shaped sugar cookie with icing - that his usual table is taken. 

Daisy notices too, apparently, and is none too happy about it. She storms out from behind the counter.

“Fitz! Simmons! Get out of those seats!”

The two students Daisy’s age both jump in surprise at her angry tone. “What’s the matter, Daisy?” 

“You two are the matter. You’ve gotta get out of those seats! Those are Mr. C and May’s seats!” She gestures wildly behind her to Phil and May, who has entered in the midst of Daisy’s tirade. 

“It’s fine, Daisy,” Phil cuts in, “we can just find other -”

“NO!” Daisy shouts. “This is your table. You need to sit at your table.”

“Daisy,” Melinda moves forward, her hand coming up to check Daisy’s forehead, “are you feeling alright?”

Daisy shakes her off. “I’m fine! Or I will be once Fitzsimmons get out of these seats.”

“Daisy, really, I don’t see -” Phil starts, but it’s just then that he does see. Because there, above their usual table - and only their usual table - hangs a sprig of mistletoe. There is no other mistletoe to be found throughout the festive cafe. Only this one decoration, right above their usual spot. 

Melinda’s eyes have also traveled up to where the mistletoe hangs, following Phil’s lead.

“Oh!” Simmons exclaimed when she sees the sprig. “I didn’t realize that was there.”

Fitz has leaned back to think about this very interesting development. 

“Yes, well, now you do, and I’m sure you’re not interested in kissing Fitz so if you’d please just go to a different table.”

“Hey!” Fitz protests and Simmons smiles at him. She leans over and plants a peck on his cheek, before grabbing her cup and standing up. “C’mon, Fitz. Let’s let Daisy’s plan play out.”

Fitz touches his cheek and then follows along behind Simmons, clutching his own coffee cup.

“And if we don’t sit down?” Phil asks Daisy.

“Or we just refuse to kiss under the mistletoe?” Melinda chimes in. 

“UGH! You two are IMPOSSIBLE!” Daisy shouts before turning on her heel and stomping back behind the counter.

Phil chuckles, sitting down. “So, what do you say, May? Wanna make Daisy’s Christmas wish come true?”

Melinda offers him a sharp look, before leaning down close and brushing her lips against his jawline as she moves her mouth close to his ear. “Maybe you should use that number that Daisy keeps trying to give you.”

Phil turns his head, now brushing his own kisses against her jaw line. “Maybe I will.”

Melinda stands up tall, scooping up her tea. She is now directly under the mistletoe. Phil also stands up, much more confident now. “Merry Christmas, Melinda.” He says as he leans forward and finally presses his lips against hers.

“Merry Christmas, Phil.” She responds when he pulls away.

Daisy lets out a squeal of joy. “It’s about time!”

**

Phil opens the door to his apartment and barely makes it inside the threshold before he feels a presence behind him and hears a voice whisper in his ear. “So I hear that you’re kissing women in coffee shops now.”

“Mm.” He grins, turning around and letting his arms encircle a petite waist. “The same could be said for you.”

“I’m kissing women in coffee shops?” Melinda laughs, teasing. “Fun!”

“You better not be.” He kisses her, much more passionately than the peck they’d shared an hour before.

“Don’t worry. Mr. Coulson is the only one I’m having an affair with.” She smirks. 

He laughs. “Do you think we should tell her?”

“That we’re married? I tried. She didn’t believe me.” Melinda laughs. “Besides, we don’t want to blow our covers.”

“Ah yes. Mr. Coulson, the history teacher, and Melinda May, ninja spy assassin.” Melinda rolls her eyes. “Hey, she’s not that far off on that one.” 

“Well, it’s not the worst cover we’ve ever had. And now we can actually see - and talk to - each other day to day without rousing too many suspicions.”

“Couldn’t have planned it better myself.” Phil grins.

Melinda looks at him, staring him down in that way she does right before he gets busted. “Philip J. Coulson, if you purposely spilled hot coffee on me, just to set this whole thing with Daisy into motion, I will kill you.”

“No, you won’t.” Phil says, kissing her again.

“No, I won’t.” Melinda agrees against his lips. “But you owe me so many raspberry danishes.”

“Now that I can handle.”


End file.
